If you haven’t noticed by now, I’ve officially changed my blog name from ‘Curiouser and Curiouser’ to ‘Crazyblondegal’. I’m really happy I’ve made the change and now it fits in with the URL so no confusion there anymore! I’ve also vamped the blog design up a little, so I hope you like the improvements while I continue tweaking a few bits here and there.
I was planning to do a beauty post today but since I’ve started talking about life, I may as well continue. Since completing my first year at University I’ve had a ridiculous amount of time on my hands to do whatever I like, but to be honest, I haven’t really been up to much. I spend most of my time, okay all of my time, hidden away in my room even on a gorgeous day like today. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be outside tanning my pasty legs while sipping on a drink, but I just can’t. I won’t. My room is my safe haven and sometimes I don’t leave the bedroom for weeks at a time. Whenever I do happen to go out it feels like everybody is staring at me and it makes me so anxious, I’ve often had to back away from a situation due to what felt was like a panic attack. I don’t do people, I don’t do phone calls, I don’t do outside. I often joke about being a hermit, because what else am I supposed to say? Some of my flatmates don’t see me for weeks at a time.
I was supposed to go swimming this week but I just kept putting it off every day. It’s the thought of arriving and everybody staring, even though they’re probably not, it always feels like they are. I think because I’ve kept myself so cooped up indoors I’ve neglected my body by eating too much junk food and not exercising, so this puts me off wanting to go out in public too. I’m very self-conscious of my body and I’ll always opt to wear something baggy rather than a tight fitting piece of clothing.
It dawned on me yesterday while I was talking to some blogging friends online who were outside enjoying the sun, that actually I want to be able to do the same. I decided to write this because some days I don’t want to talk about it, but some days I do. Today was the latter and I want to be able to improve it somehow. I only ever see the sun through my window, but I’m hoping I can change that soon. Slowly other students are finishing University and leaving accommodation meaning there will less people around. I’m staying until the end of June as that’s when my contract ends, but as they’ll be less people around I might be able to get out more. It’s a plan at least.
I also need to figure out how I can lose a bit of weight healthily, but since I’m indoors all the time it makes that a little bit harder. The thought of going outside is always worse than it actually is, but even though I know this, I still avoid it! Once I’m out it usually takes a while for me to warm up and stop being so rigid and anxious, but I’m always glad when I get back to that flat all the same.
I want to overcome this barrier because I’ve declined meeting up with people for long enough, and sadly I’ve lost touch with many friends due to it. As much as I do love spending my whole day on Facebook and Twitter, I need to get out there!
If you enjoy reading my blog and would like to see me up for a Cosmopolitan Blog Award, you can nominate me for Best New Beauty Blog & Next’s Best Newcomer here. I’ll send virtual pizza to everyone who nominates!